Journey: The art of belonging
Introduction 1) The power of vulnerability Video: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability Story: you pass by a little hut along the street and an old woman invites you into her house... (to be elaborated by someone that likes storytelling :) ) Abstract: “The power of vulnerability” from Brene Brown is a powerful Ted talk that some years ago started me on a journey and that I want to use now to start you on yours. This talk raises the question of how we should interact with other people and with ourselves. When you watch it try to relate it to your own lives as much as you can. How could you make deeper connections in your everyday life? What is the value of showing vulnerability in our everyday life and if you agree that there is value to it, how could you show more of it? 2) Sticky love Abstract: It is the little gestures of appreciation that matter. Create a sticky note for someone that expresses your appreciation or admiration, for example, "You rock!" or "I love your beautiful mind", and put it in a place that he/she frequents often. Alternative from Happify: Secret Admirer Choose three people you see regularly—they could be coworkers or your family, for example. Write one positive thing about each of them on a sticky note and leave it somewhere they will see it, like on their computer screen, their closet door or their car windshield. It’s up to you if you want to sign your name! 3) Drawing your social map Day 1: Abstract: 'Over the years we get to know more and more people. A) Draw the inner circle: Close family + best friends (we should probably give examples here) B) What kind of qualities do you enjoy in people ( are there differences between what kind of qualities you like in men and women?) - write a list of 4 qualities (Optional: do you know why these qualities are so important to you?) ' ' Day 2: ' ' C) After drawing the inner circle, explore deeper into what you understand as your good friends, the second circle, and draw it. D) Look at the connections you just drew, is there any one connection you see have weakened over time that makes you sad. Try to strengthen that connection (give examples here) ' ' Strengthening connections # Create a sticky note for someone else to show them your appreciation and put it in a place they frequent often Choose three people you see regularly—they could be coworkers or your family, for example. Write one positive thing about each of them on a sticky note and leave it somewhere they will see it, like on their computer screen, their closet door or their car windshield. It’s up to you if you want to sign your name! ' ''' # Give a friend an honest compliment 4) Get a reality check (does this one fit?) No matter how sane we are, all of us hold beliefs about reality that can muddy how we interpret a significant other’s behavior, studies show. (Think: reading way too much into a single-worded text or assuming someone is cheating on us when they’re actually just getting drinks with their friends.) “The clearest way of getting a handle on this is to check in with your partner as well as close friends about whether they see you as overreacting, tense, or critical,” Piorkowski says. Rather than invalidating what you’re feeling, it can help to have a different perspective on whether your emotions—and the actions that follow from them—are in line with the facts of what’s actually happening. 5) Gratitude as an anchor '''Abstract: '''To strengthen a belonging mindset, we need to learn how to appreciate the little positive things that friends and sometimes even strangers are doing for us in our everyday lives, e.g. holding open the door for us, laughing with us, when something awkward happens, sharing their time and energy with us, etc.. A gratitude journal is a diary of things for which one is grateful and are used to help one think about and document the positive things that happen during one’s day or week. Whatever you train your brain consciously to focus on, will determine how your attention will be allocated automatically in the long run and thus focusing on the little positive things that happen to you during your day will help you to establish a positive mindset over time. Whenever you are feeling down through the year, looking at the things you wrote will help to remind you of how many amazing little things there are in your life. Okay, but how to write a good gratitude journal? let’s jump right in: # Get personal: Focusing on people to whom you are grateful has more of an impact than focusing on things for which you are grateful. # Be detailed: Writing an elaborate description of one event that you are grateful for carries more benefits than a superficial list of many things. # Try subtraction, not just addition: One effective way of stimulating gratitude is to reflect on what your life would be like without certain blessings, rather than just tallying up all those good things. ' While you are writing be aware of your feelings and how you “relish” and “savor” this gift in your imagination. Take the time to be especially aware of the depth of your gratitude. '''Interesting side note:' By now gratitude journaling is a well scientifically validated method and positive psychology research has shown again and again that long-term gratitude journaling can rewire your brain for positivity and even single time practice can help you to be more grateful and appreciative. References: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal 6) Compassion - focus on one person that has done you injustice in some way or another (rework) '''Abstract: '''Relationships only exist inside of our head. They are just a representation, a bit like a debate about how we see each other and they are very flexible. Within one second a friend can turn into an enemy and almost at the same speed sudden understanding can turn an enemy into a friend. On top of that we have an inherent attribution bias that gives us a kind of a double standard. If we are doing something wrong, we will attribute it to our circumstances, but if somebody else is doing something wrong we like to attribute it to their internal values and person. Look at one friend that you feel has done you injustice. Try to understand how this act can be explained by his/her external circumstances, instead of internal ones. Does it change how you think about this event and ultimately what you think about this relationship.